My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
