need another drink. this is the easiest way
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
