What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
