when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
