My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
