1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
