what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
