Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
