it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
