Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
