mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
