And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
