did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
