I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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