she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Farmville is her only friend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
