I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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