Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
