That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
