Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
