i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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