the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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