Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
