I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
