Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love having hate sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
