just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
