I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
