Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
