His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
