I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
