how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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