i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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