everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
