Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
