And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
