I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
