brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is wine microwaveable?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
