he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
