the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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