Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
