If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
