you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
