There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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