fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
