Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
