Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
