I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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