sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
