Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
