i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
