after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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